I'm not actually Pregnant.

In my opinion Pregnancy is kind of lame. Firstly, it scares me that essentially something is growing from inside you. I don’t actually watch horror movies but it seems to me that the concept of pregnancy would be a perfect storyline. Eww. Secondly, I hear that it’s freakingpaintastic when the little alien wants to exit because the fire exit exists in the stupidest place. The conclusion of the gory, freaky equation is an actual tiny tiny human being, which you then have to try to keep alive.

So the very few advantages I have found to it are pretty huge.  They would almost make it worth being ‘knocked up’.

-       You would miss 9 months worth of periods.  9 months of periods. This is serious. I freaking hate periods and this is not just because I am hormonal.  I would actually pay quite a lot of money for this to happen but it comes free with pregnancy. Thanks Biology.

-       You would be able to eat whatever the freak you want without people thinking you’re like this massive whale. You’d get away with it because you’re actually a ‘sacred vessel’ or whatever.

All day Playsuit

So I have a terrible issue of guilt today. Guilt that I should have gone to the gym and I didn’t. I wish I had a valiant excuse like I was rather busy saving the planet from attacking aliens**, or I was cryogenically frozen for 12 hours, or even I was writing an essay. And although I did make it a further 5 pages into ‘Bleak House’, I have tried and failed to find anything to blame except myself for the exercise-free day, today. My best attempt is: it was raining a bit when I thought about going.

It’s not such a mega disaster. Nobody died. However, I get the feeling that a 30% success rate for my three ‘healthy’ days so far is more than a little dismal. If I don’t keep going, how is the healthy thing going to work? Maybe part of the reason for my not going is that I’m fairly convinced I saw two people I know/knew last time I went. I’m not entirely sure, as I was glasses-less.

Steps today:

-       I ran up the stairs when I needed to go up the stairs, to try to compensate for the lack of gyming. It was fairly unsuccessful.

-       Driving-in-massive-rain based anxiety exercise. Update: still have not crashed.

-       I retract my statement yesterday about Bread. Rice cakes are now the easy route to my heart. I have nearly finished the packet and my parent is unlikely to allow me anymore. But yay for inflatable low calorie deliciousness.

-       I ate two oranges, so I’m still three short of my five-a-day.

-       I did not leave the house** and I wore my onesie bedwear all day. Not exactly heaven but quite close I imagine. On a side note my onesie was called a ‘playsuit’ on the receipt – sleep is literally the most fun you can have when there are no rice cakes available.

*Either the aliens were attacking the planet or the planet was attacking aliens. Both ways I fictionally saved it.

**That’s actually a lie because I went driving PLUS I went to fetch poster paints from the side passage next to our house.

Not speeding

I’m becoming increasingly picky regarding my choice of food. This is not a ‘dieting choice’ but just a case of some foods not appealing to me. I wish this were a positive thing, so I could persuade myself to not like stuff that was bad for me, but it turns out that’s not how it works. How it does work, however, is ridiculous. For example, I like apples, well, I like some apples, all right, a few. Apples have to be smallish, very crunchy, unblemished and have a mostly red-but-with-some-bits-of-green colouring. This rule, unfortunately, does not apply to biscuits. I have no prejudice towards any sort of biscuit*.

The other part to this is that I don’t tend to get bored of the foods I do like, so I could eat a million slices of bread (granary from Morrison’s or Sainsbury’s – I don’t like Tescos). Literally, if I were to date someone, Bread would be the way to my heart.

So today’s steps:

-       I walked around a supermarket. It was supersuper cold for which I had not planned in advance so I definitely burnt a million calories trying to warm myself up. It did not help that it was very early in the morning (for a student on vacation). I also lost my parent several times which resulted in more walking but overall I can’t imagine it was all that much exercise.

-       I acquired rice cakes at the shop so most of my nutrition today was in the giant inflatable rice format. However, I then ate more of it than was probably healthy and therefore reversed any potential health benefits of it having lower calories. It was a nice alternative to bread though**. I also, interestingly, found out that my mum has a real aversion to rice cakes. As in she had to LEAVE the room while I was eating them. Maybe she was bitten by a giant rice cake when she was younger?

-       The anxiety related calorie burning via driving made an appearance again today. Unfortunately it was my mother who largely ‘benefited’ from that particular health benefit this time – I maintain that the speed limit WAS 60 and I was not above 50 for very long at all***. I also stalled on a hill at the front of the biggest traffic queue at some road works but I escaped that predicament LIKE A BOSS. Like a Boss who turns the engine back on and then proceeds like nothing happened.

-       I consumed definitely at least two flapjacks. They were tasty. I will go to the gym tomorrow.

I considered today (…the second day) as a ‘day-off’ as I’d gone all the way to the gym yesterday. I had thought about going for a walk or swimming but I napped the hell out of most of this afternoon, on account of the ‘early’ start.

* except, perhaps, rich tea but that is beside the point.

** did I mention I LOVE bread.

***largely due to threats related to slowing down. “40 IS PLENTY” “SLOWWWW DOWNNNN!!!!”

Not Dieting dieting.

First question: why are you writing this?

First answer: several reasons, to end the endless spiral of brain crack*, to have some sort of online conscience and to see if my mother’s claims, that my forte is undoubtedly journalism, hold water.

You know what I want to talk about? Dieting. Not Dieting dieting, if you know what I mean - the ones where you eat a block of cheese to sustain you for a week or count every single item that goes inside you. Just the healthier eating and doing some exercise side of dieting. That’s the dieting I’m trying to attempt because I accept that I’m not ‘Fat’. At the same time, I know I could be healthier and perhaps feel better as a result of tidying up my love affair with food.

The steps I took today (both forward and backwards) are here:

-      - I went to the actual gym. I ‘ran’ for 30 minutes on the running machine. That was all. I used to do about 55 minutes but let’s start slowly right? Also, I was dropped off at the sports centre after my driving lesson when really I should have walked the 10 minutes between there and my house. I walked back though.

-       -I ate a considerable amount of cake. I love cake. I don’t mind having some cake but today involved quite a lot of cake, without even an occasion** to justify it. So I need to work on eating less excess foods. If you’re counting calories, which is sometimes entertaining, I ‘saved’ around 200 on the treadmill (I was half walking, half leisurely jogging) and probably gained around 500 GAZILLION on the cake parade.

-       I drove to pick up my sister with my mum, which hopefully burned a couple of calories during the exercise of severe anxiety/fear of imminent death. Didn’t die, also an achievement.

I should count my steps again, that would definitely help.

*yeah, I can end the endless by blogging.

**Occasions count as either birthdays or period.